Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
