i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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