Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
