There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
