listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
