Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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