I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
