I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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