How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
