Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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