She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
