I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And then he peed in my hair
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
