I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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