well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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