sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
