I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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