my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Randomize
