Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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