I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
