If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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