you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
