im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
