We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
