man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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