On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
