I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Still dying that you shit outside
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
