Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
