i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize