do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
