i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there was a trapeze. enough said
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
