I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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