i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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