Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
