His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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