it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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