He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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