chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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