I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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