My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
