Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
