you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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