I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
