pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
