Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Two words: blizzard sex
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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