Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
