and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
