i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
