mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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