guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
