Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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