I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
wow bdsm is so cute
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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