...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
