Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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