dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
