The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize