Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
