I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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