Soap is not a condiment
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
