that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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