glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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