We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize