he told me I talked like a deaf person
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
