Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
