i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
