dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
