And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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