Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
